Posted 5:49 PM by Chris

I've never been a big fan of Wes Anderson, although I really liked his "Rushmore." The rest of the resume I'm not as fond of: "Bottle Rocket" was not my cup of tea and I was bored to tears by "The Royal Tannenbaums." So I don't not like him, or like him...I'm just ambivalent about him. His upcoming feature, "The Life Aquatic," which I've read myself and is co-authored by Noah Baumbach, is pretty good for what it was. Not sure if I'll catch in it theaters, but I'll probably see it once it hits DVD.

But whatever, this is not about me or my likings. Let's go back in time to September 13th. My sitemate at FilmJerk.com, Edward Havens, also managed to finagle a copy of the script from one of his sources and, interestingly, two script reviews of the same project hit the Net on the same day.

Well, I'm going to take that back-- one fake script review written by AICN that is pegged as a real script review and the other the real deal. Ya see, based on what Moriarty of AICN wrote there, it's sorta obvious that he hasn't read the darn thing and one can see why he buried the "droolingly positive" review in between his droning on about how much he liked the filmmaker and his own problems on getting his own projects greenlit. Notice he gives two small paragraphs on the film's plot and no real analysis as well. It seems like more of a desperate plea for attention than anything else.

First, here's his "review" here. Go read that, I guess, and come back here to see how it's a fake. AintItCool.com loves pageviews, although I hear they've been dwindling in recent months.

You back? Good. Now let's tick down the reasons why it's a fake:
1) No draft date given. Those who review scripts almost always cite the date of the script, if it's available on the draft. If it's not there (ie. the cover page is missing), they often mention it as such. No citation here and that made me originally suspicious. Mori's 0 for 1.
2) Moriarty writes there that "Plimpton has money of his own, and agrees to finance a film about the search for the jaguar shark that killed Esteban, as long as he gets to go along and get to know Zissou on the journey." Not true. Ned was going along anyway to get to know his potential father and offered up his recent inheritence when Zissou does not get the grant money he was expecting. Strike two.
3) Moriarty writes that "At the opening of the film, Zissou is in shock as he premieres his new documentary." Zissou isn't in shock. He simply watches the footage without emotion, zilch, and this minor point is noted as such. Not shock. 0 for 3, but I'm not calling him out on strikes yet.
4) Moriarty writes that "the heart of the movie is the relationship that develops between Zissou and Ned, and the way it’s complicated by the introduction of a reporter named Jane Winslett-Richardson, from "Oceanographic Explorer." This
pretty much has to be Cate Blanchett, and she’ll be perfect. Watching Bill Murray and Owen Wilson compete for her, and watching how she wrestles with her own feelings for each of them... this should be a treat." Giant stretch here by Moriarty as Ned and Zissou don't compete for her. She keeps Zissou's attractions at bay, and develops a friendship with Ned without effort. And it's plainly said in the screenplay. So that's strike 4. Yer out.

As Moriarty said there, "I'm excited by the way I pictured the film as I read the script, but I'm more excited by the surprises I'm sure I still have in store when I actually see the world realized. All I got was a sneak peek, a little glimpse of what we'll all get later. But it was enough to tell you it’s going to be something special."

So, what we have here is an AICN writer who has seemingly checked the info that's out there on the various other news sites, packaged it together as a "script review" (making assumptions where needed) and fills out the column droning on about how Andersen is "one of the most interesting filmmakers working right now, the love child of J.D. Salinger and Hal Ashby" and his action-packed thoughts about how "Posthuman" can't get financing. Sad, but it's come as what many have expect from AICN these days. At best, the "peak" was given was probably a few pages worth and not anything to base a glowing review on. If only The Facer were still around...

For a real script review of "The Life Aquatic," check out Havens' review here.

Posted 3:22 PM by Chris

We've been a little busy with script reviews over at FilmJerk since the start of August, reviewing a total of 5 scripts: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," a second look at "The Ladykillers," "White Chicks," "The Woods" and our most recent, "Resident Evil: Apocalypse."

Let's use five words or less to describe each, since I've got to go to a dinner in a little bit:

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (linked here, written by Charlie Kaufman)-- Great concept, poorly-written characters.

"The Ladykillers (linked here, written by the Coen Bros.) -- Brisk, enjoyable read.

"The Woods" (linked here, written by M. Night Shyalaman)-- Writer guessed ending early on.

"White Chicks" (linked here, written by a half-dozen people including Keenan Ivory Wayans)-- Major mess, beginning to end.

"Resident Evil: Apocalypse" (linked here, written by Paul W.S. Anderson)-- Okay at best, nothing unique.

The script reviews above, respectively, are written by myself, Brett Myers, a scoop-generated submission, Edward Havens and then myself again. More to come soon as we reload!

Posted 3:04 PM by Chris

Jean-François Allaire is back and promising two columns a week, which irks me. Doesn't he know I am a little behind on linking his latest. Since I last covered his work, he's given us two reader-generated reviews, one on "Shopgirl" and the other on "Starksy & Hutch."

Let's look at "Shopgirl" first (linked here, written by Steve Martin based on his novella). The film focuses on Mirabelle, an impecunious young artist who works as a shopqirl at Neiman's to make meager ends meet. She commences an affair with an older man, but their vastly different expectations inevitably cause them both much pain.

The scooper there, Miss Jones, writes that "Honestly, "Shopgirl" is the most boring piece of writing I have read to date. Well, it's not that boring, but the thing is quite wearisome. As a screenplay written by Steve Martin, I expected gutbusting laughter embedded in a somewhat decent storyline. Instead, all I got were a few sporadic chuckles at characters that were just barely on the verge of interesting. And, the storyline is so slow and unmonumental that I had to injest it in small pieces over the space of a week, if not longer. I literally had to force myself to read it each time, and once it was over, I felt utterly unfulfilled, cheated, unmoved, and unenlightened. The only sympathy I had for the main character, Mirabelle, was for how stupid she is. Actually, I can't say that I liked any of the characters. My sympathy for the script, however, runs deep."

Having myself read the book that the film is based on, sounds like she went in there with the wrong intentions. Not a bad thing, but the script and book are definitely good-- I like them each. It's not supposed to be something like "Bringing Down the House" or "The Jerk."

In the second review, webmaster John Shea looks at the script for the "Starky & Hutch" film, which was formerly a '70s TV show (linked here, this version includes revisions made by John O'Brien from Stevie Long's original submission).

There, Shea writes that "The script gets off to a great start with a montage for each of the stars as they talk about their view on crime. It beautifully brings each character into razor sharp focus and has great style and humor as well. Unfortunately, that's the script's high point. Now this isn't a horrible script but it's not going to get too many people excited. It's standard buddy cop fare... the script boils down to a good core in two solid characters, that floats in a sea of mediocrity. Give these guys a real world with something to do that is of reasonable scale and you could really have something. Leaning on supposed 70s cool just isn't enough reason to make a movie."

Posted 11:31 AM by Chris

About two months ago, Ryan Rotten of Creature Corner was the first to review the script for "Blade III," but it was quickly pulled when New Line lawyers contacted the site. Well, it seems that it's up again now here (it's the same version of the script that we at FilmJerk.com reviewed later, see our entry here from July 4th).

Rotten's is a positive review: "Sure, there's a feeling that much of the story is more of the same but that's what you get with a sequel. Now it's all a matter of: can the action/horror be amped up and is there room for progression in the development of the character? In this case...yes and yes. There's an on-foot chase I'm dying to see play out on screen. And Blade shows a bit of vulnerability I don't think we've seen before."

Also, Rotten reviews M. Night Shyamalan's "The Woods" (located here, draft date unknown), which it was the second to the scene with.

A strong negative review, Rotten says the film is "stale as it comes. Other than the predominant, hippie "love is everything" theme, Shyamalan skips down the subtextual trail taking stabs at humanity's greed and other unhealthy pitfalls...this is the farthest thing you're going to get from a horror film. Yes, there are one or two unnerving minutes that M. Night knows will be the theatrical trailer's money-shots, yet, the film all amounts to – as I said earlier – a nifty idea that could stand for a few more passes. It's a skeleton of something that could be memorable, terrifying, and heart wrenching. This is a script that feels rushed (perhaps by Disney's anxiousness?) and premature. The first of the third-act twists is a cop-out and a stark reflection that M. Night should have let his creative juices stew a bit longer before taking "The Woods" off the fire."

Not two bad reviews for a site that has taken some hard knocks for its relationship with the "Jeepers Creepers 2" production.

Posted 10:45 AM by Chris

Stax at IGN FilmForce checks in with a review of "Flight of the Phoenix" (locatedhere, this draft is dated March 1, 2003, and is most likely written by John Moore, Ron Hutchinson and Edward Burns), a remake of the 1965 film of the same name. The film is a survival tale, focusing on a C-119 cargo plane that crashes in the desert. The passengers and crew must work together if they're going to survive, although tensions grow enough to the point that it threatens to turn them against one another.

In his review, Mayflower asserts that the film is "faithful to the spirit and plot of the original film. Indeed, the storytellers actually improved upon some elements." Comparing this draft the the original directed by Robert Aldrich, he summarily finds that "So long as the film isn't turned into some sort of glorified music video like other recent remakes have been, this "Phoenix" should take flight."

Posted 6:58 PM by Chris

Darwin Mayflower checks back into the office with no less than 5 script reviews at the fabulous new site Screenwriter’s Voice. For those who haven’t checked it out yet, be sure to visit— it’s better than any other screenwriting-focused site out there right now.

Among the scripts he reviews are:

“Along Came Polly” (linked here) follows the story of a risk-averse man who enters into a risky relationship and has been heralded by many as a wonderful script. When Mayflower starts the review with the words “Mine eyes have seen the glory and it's John Hamburg's latest script,” you know it’s going to be a good film. Formerly known as the “Untitled John Hamburg Project” and titled incorrectly here as “Captured,” the writer/director’s was moved last month to January…which makes me worry about the end product, which stars Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston.

"The Ugly Americans" (linked here) focuses on Scotty Thomas, fresh from graduating high school, who finds that his German pen pal who wants to meet him. Fearing that his pen pal is an Internet predator, he finds out later that "he" is actually a beautiful "she," and that he's unwittingly broken it off with the fraulein of his dreams. To atone for his mistake, Scotty goes to Europe with three friends. Written by writers Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer and David Mandel, Mayflower finds that the film “is about as much fun as delayed flights, canceled hotel rooms and the gastrointestinal misadventures that comes with foreign food. It's a vacation you want to quickly forget about…[it] is one of the most unsatisfying comedies I've ever read.”

Moving from bad to worse…”Eulogy” (linked here) is a story on the Collins clan, who come together for their patriarch's funeral—and tempers subsequently flare. Penned by Michael Clancy and starring leads that are mostly unknown, Mayflower writes that the film is “basically a comedy that isn't funny. I suppose it has its heart in the right place, but it has no idea what to do with its setup, and it simply becomes stagnant. By the fourth or fifth pot-smoking scene, after the “haven't-I-seen-this-before?” Viking funeral, you'll wish they'd pass the joint back to you, so you could focus on dust mites and ignore the bores around you. Comedy, my friends, is a hard business, and definitely not for everyone.”

Ehren Kruger, who wrote the remake of “The Ring,” returns with his latest, entitled "Skeleton Key" (linked here). All that needs to be said about the film is this: "Kruger is back with another horror script, a somewhat goofy gothic haunted-house tale that is normally reserved for cheap, straight-to-cable movies starring actors who have fallen on hard times…Skeleton Key needs a swift kick in its ass, a flow of blood-red heat, if it wants to be anything more than its B-movie horror shallowness suggests." Ouch.

And, finally, "The Nice Guys" (linked here) features the return of Shane Black (“Lethal Weapon”) to the scene, writing a spec script with Anthony Bagarozzi. The film focuses on one a private eye and a “head-breaker” who become embroiled in scandal surrounding a presidential candidate. Although Mayflower has some problems with the plot, he does say that “An off Black effort is still better than just about anything else, in this genre, can hope to be. And The Nice Guys is brimming with fun times. Black has not lost a step in a scary ability with quotable, witty one-liners and a canny sense of how to exhilarate and frighten you when he throws you in the middle of chaos.”

I planned on linking to a bunch more tonight, but the weight that Mayflower has pulled with these five scripts hitting at once has given me a headache. More to come in the days ahead as I catch up.